Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Holy shit, I'm old

Part time student orientation was last night. I figured since it was for part time students, there'd be people my age there. To be fair, there were two of them. Everyone else was like 12. Two hours of the orientation revolved around how much their online registration system sucks. Way to reassure me I've chosen the right university! Then I was blinded by the future.

Dudes, there's this library thing, where you save all the books you read for your paper and then you press a button and it creates a works cited page for you IN THE FORMAT OF YOUR CHOOSING! In my day, you had to slave over a APA format book and try to figure out where to put the commas. Wave of the future!

We then had a campus tour. I probably could have skipped that since I'm stuck in cyberland for at least a year, but hey. Mr Tour was pretty enthusiastic. He turns 20 in November. :/ They have sushi in their caf. Back in the old days when I lived on campus, we were thrilled at the prospect of taco night. Memmmmories.

There was one obnoxious guy who told us he wants to become a music teacher like 14 times. Everyone else made sure to emphasize honours when describing their degree, so they probably think I'm a dumbass because I just said "psych". During our tour we saw lecture halls. Some have plugs for laptops. Music guy asked if all desk areas had plugs and was told no. I swear he started sweating when asking WTF was he going to do if he ran out of battery. I showed him this nifty invention called "paper" and explained you can use a "pen" to make primitive markings upon it. I don't think I made a friend.

Last, I braved the scary online registration place again to sign up for Abnormal Psych in the winter term. Self diagnostics on a blog near you coming this January.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Hi, my name is Jen and... *click* hello?

This is the part where I make a name for myself annoying every single psychology faculty person and a few in admissions for good measure.

I got my letter and it said they strongly advised me to call for advising. Alrighty then.
Q1 - how many credits must I take?
A - no more than 1.5 (3 classes) per term. But you can take none.

Q2 - how come some of my things transfered totally (ie. instead of .5 Jr blah blah, I have PS100) and some didn't? MOST NOTABLY MY STATS COURSE.
A - I dunno. Yes, you'd have to take stats again, but the good news is you can take a it little later! Maybe that will ease the sting.

Q3 - Seriously? Stats again? Sucks.
A - ...

Q4 - so...about that masters program. Is a degree from your U better than online U when we're talking admissions? Off the record.
A - *stammer*mumble* accredited...I don't work in the grad comment.

So I mull this over for a week, and decide going to "real" school is probably better. Call for more advising as I have no idea WTF course I should take first. I get a receptionist that tells me the advisor comes in for about one hour a week. Send her an e-mail. Get directed to a page on the website. Yeah, thanks. But she also tells me I'm in the wrong program and if I want to go to grad school I should be in Research Specialist. This makes me gag. I HATE research. I know somebody has to learn how the brain works and how to fix it and blah blah blah. That somebody is so not me. I also need to write a thesis in my fourth year. Hoo-rah. I'm thinking 40 pages detailing the mental anguish I suffered writing the paper should suffice.

I send an e-mail to admissions asking for the switch. They say sure, but fill out this form. And call this person for overrides to register, since I see you haven't actually signed up for a class yet stupid. I call this person, who's all "Jesus! Not you again!" but presses the prerequisites fulfilled button. Because of the lateness of me, and because I am currently limited to online classes, I had the choice between Intro to Cognitive Psychology and Biopsychology. They are part of an "at least two of" group wherein the other two are The Psychology of Learning and Sensory Processes and Perception. Cognitive was the easy choice. I'll probably pick learning for the other. I think I'm registered, it says so, but I haven't actually paid for anything yet. I also have to go pick up my books and stuff. Tomorrow is Orientation day, so hopefully that will be discussed and I won't have to ask and look more stupid. Cripes.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Backstory, Part 3

As I mentioned in the end of the last post, I went back to my original choice of psychology for a career path. I've ditched my dreams of being Clarice Starling however. These days, I want to be - a lumberjack! a therapist. I have heard many rumblings from some *cough cough my mother* that I am not cut out for this. I do have a certain propensity to say such things as "You're STILL whining about this?" "uh huh...uh huh..yeah....wait, what?" and "God, you're such a fucking dumbass." I save that last one for my husband and brother mostly. I think I can supress my jackassery, and if not, Dr Phil makes a good living calling people asshats.

Seriously, I want to work with women who have had traumatic birth experiences and loss. I can't imagine telling anyone to suck it up in such a situation. We're looking at that PhD again though, and I don't know if that's in my cards. I'm taking this one degree at a time here. At this rate, I won't get a PhD until I'm approximately 104, and I was sort of hoping to have retired by then.

Years ago, someone had mentioned a Canadian online university to me. I figured this was the answer to my prayers. I can't possibly get out of the house, and everything is sent here. I also had high hopes of finishing my classes in less time, but that was quickly dashed. I found it really difficult at times just to keep up. The U is fully accredited, but I did wonder about the real world reputation of a place that'll take anyone with a GED and $80. I took two courses there, an English that was mandatory for all and Statistics. That's when I started thinking about Optometry (it was the crack I was smoking at the time), and that maybe I should try for a BSc instead of a BA. Online U didn't have a BSc in Psychology. But, one of my local U's did. They also have quite a variety of online courses, but not full degrees. I sent some emails, annoyed a lot of people, and applied.

Forever later, I got a teensy letter in the mail from them. I remember from my old days of University application, teensy letter means fuck you, you're too stupid to come here. Wah. I opened it anyways, hoping it would say I just needed to take Chemistry or something. Surprise, we'll offer you a program you didn't apply to. Just to screw with you some. So, no BSc, but I could take my BA there. They'd already done the transfer credits, 6 out of a total of 20. That was pretty surprising, I didn't think my old classes would count for much by now. I can't remember anything of them. Except, this one time in Psych 101 the TA took his sweater off and his tshirt came with it and....oh, sorry.

That sums up how I ended up at local U, mucking about.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Backstory, Part 2

I've spent the last 8 years biding my time. I knew someday I'd have to get me a "real" job (you know, one that pays) but I wasn't really looking forward to it. Little known fact: each kid buys me four years of time. This is how I ended up with Eeny, Meeny, Miny and Moe. I'd like another one, but I don't know what we'd name it. Somewhere about year six I did the math, and realized I needed to sort something out soon, or I'd be working at McDonalds when Moe hit junior kindergarten. Sadly, my husband doesn't buy housewife as a career choice. Again, with the nonpayingness, and we both know I'd just sit here and play The Sims all day.

I came up with many a career choice.

PRO - loves the babies.
CON - on call would be kind of rough, I don't function so hot on 2 hours sleep. Don't drive, and expect that labouring mothers wouldn't appreciate me telling them I'll be in the next bus, cross your legs.

PRO - still, lovin' the babies. The on call isn't quite as severe as midwifery. Hospital within walking distance.
CON - a lot of vaginas that don't have babies emerging from them. And I'd have to sell a few of my kids to afford med school. Residency would probably kill me, and I don't live in the city with the med school. Most importantly, i r dum.

PRO - books are good. Normal hours.
CON - might have to sing to children. And can you beleive the Dewey Decimal system requires a Master's degree?

PRO - maybe labour and delivery, then back to the babies!
CON - everyone wants L&D, I'd be stuck wiping old man ass for years. 12 hour shifts, bleck.

PRO - I like cooking. Food tastes like yum. I watched that Chef School show.
CON - can't cook anything without a cookbook. Who's going to feed my kids while I am feeding other people?

Yoga Instructor
PRO - make your own hours. Make husband happy *wink wink*
CON - What's the difference between a yoga instructor and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

PRO - get paid for being a bitch.
CON - my mom wants me to do this, so obviously I'm not going to.

PRO - great hours, summer off FTW!
CON - 30 horrible children.

PRO - optometry school just up the way. Save $3000 with DIY husband's laser eye surgery.
CON - see: price tag of med school. Requires Science degree, see: i r dum. Spend life saying, "better, or worse?"

And so on, and so forth. And this is why my husband hates me. He's all "Woman! Just go do SOMETHING for christ's sake." And I go, "FINE! I'll just get a degree in psychology and you can SUCK ON THAT."

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Backstory, Part 1

One upon a time, in a magical world free of responsibilities, I started University. I had grand plans of going through and getting a PhD and becoming the next John Douglas, or failing that Kathy Reichs. God, and if I had to, I'd become a professor. It's just that easy! You show up to class ( don't) and voila, someday you're rich and powerful. How's that working for you, Phronk? Hee.

Since I had 10 years of schooling to look forward to, I didn't have time to have kids or whatnot. But since I was 19, living in a dorm, and taking bullshit elective courses, I did have plenty of time for partying and having sex. Can you see where this is going? Me neither.

A week before my second year was to start, I was alerted to the fact I seemed to be missing something. Hmm, yeah, that's weird, I'll take a pregnancy test for shits and giggles. Suffice to say there was some nervous giggling and shitting of pants.

And thus ended the first chapter in my quest for a B.A. But the once upon a time did end happily ever after as I married the dude who knocked me up and had 3 more kids with him for good measure. My grandma is always bitching I never finish what I started, but hello, I'm HARDCORE on the birthing here.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Reason

I figure I should kick off the new blog with an explanation of why I decided to start it.

1. The Reason is not You. Sorry, Hoobastank. Probably no one is going to read this. But, I enabled the ad doohicker just in case.

2. Trying to sort out my life is, like, all complicated and stuff. How can we possibly expect teenagers to figure this out? I'm old and this is HARD. My husband is sick of my complaining, so obviously I need a new outlet.

3. If FU, Penguin can get a goddamn book deal I want one too. But see point #1. Hmm.
Seriously though FUP, I love you.