Friday, August 21, 2009

The Backstory, Part 2

I've spent the last 8 years biding my time. I knew someday I'd have to get me a "real" job (you know, one that pays) but I wasn't really looking forward to it. Little known fact: each kid buys me four years of time. This is how I ended up with Eeny, Meeny, Miny and Moe. I'd like another one, but I don't know what we'd name it. Somewhere about year six I did the math, and realized I needed to sort something out soon, or I'd be working at McDonalds when Moe hit junior kindergarten. Sadly, my husband doesn't buy housewife as a career choice. Again, with the nonpayingness, and we both know I'd just sit here and play The Sims all day.

I came up with many a career choice.

PRO - loves the babies.
CON - on call would be kind of rough, I don't function so hot on 2 hours sleep. Don't drive, and expect that labouring mothers wouldn't appreciate me telling them I'll be in the next bus, cross your legs.

PRO - still, lovin' the babies. The on call isn't quite as severe as midwifery. Hospital within walking distance.
CON - a lot of vaginas that don't have babies emerging from them. And I'd have to sell a few of my kids to afford med school. Residency would probably kill me, and I don't live in the city with the med school. Most importantly, i r dum.

PRO - books are good. Normal hours.
CON - might have to sing to children. And can you beleive the Dewey Decimal system requires a Master's degree?

PRO - maybe labour and delivery, then back to the babies!
CON - everyone wants L&D, I'd be stuck wiping old man ass for years. 12 hour shifts, bleck.

PRO - I like cooking. Food tastes like yum. I watched that Chef School show.
CON - can't cook anything without a cookbook. Who's going to feed my kids while I am feeding other people?

Yoga Instructor
PRO - make your own hours. Make husband happy *wink wink*
CON - What's the difference between a yoga instructor and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

PRO - get paid for being a bitch.
CON - my mom wants me to do this, so obviously I'm not going to.

PRO - great hours, summer off FTW!
CON - 30 horrible children.

PRO - optometry school just up the way. Save $3000 with DIY husband's laser eye surgery.
CON - see: price tag of med school. Requires Science degree, see: i r dum. Spend life saying, "better, or worse?"

And so on, and so forth. And this is why my husband hates me. He's all "Woman! Just go do SOMETHING for christ's sake." And I go, "FINE! I'll just get a degree in psychology and you can SUCK ON THAT."

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